Archive | July, 2012

Making Sweaty Sexy.

15 Jul

While I sit here dripping sweat onto my keyboard (you’re welcome for the visual), I began to think about how these hot summer days can really cramp your style.  Let’s be serious, when I’m sweaty and hot, it’s not in the sexy glistening way that J.Lo’s pool-side shoots and Victoria’s Secret catalogs describe. It’s more like a crack whore going through withdrawal, or a pregnant lady with a bad case of the trots. Basically, it’s not cute.  So in light of these lovely seasonal developments, I put together some tips for all of you out there on a budget and living without air conditioning…so probably just myself.

Making sweaty sexy.

RUN, don’t walk to put on deodorant.  You have about .3 seconds from when you leave that shower to when you start sweating. Get those pits blocked.

Makeup. Putting on make up in these conditions is like trying to put on make up in the shower. It’s impossible.  The best tip I can give you, is to wash your face with freezing cold water, dry thoroughly, apply your make up in front of a fan, and move quickly.  Be sure to apply some translucent powder to take away any shine and pack that puppy in your purse for later. This is no joke. The last step? Run over to your freezer, open it up and stick your face in it. Don’t laugh…I didn’t even make this one up.  Apparently the cold air sets your make up quickly and helps you to avoid streaking…lovely.

Swass. AKA swamp ass. There is no good way to avoid swass. These are the days to bust out the flowy, short skirts that allow some sort of…ahem…air circulation. Then, pray for a gust of heavenly wind to relieve your nether regions. Pair with a shirt in a color that is hot-day friendly.

Hair. To avoid the halo of sweat around your hairline that is oh-so common yet oh-so unattractive, toss some dry shampoo or even baby powder in your hair right before you leave.  While it’s not going to prevent you from sweating, it will absorb some of the oils in your hair so you aren’t left looking greasy.

So, here is your scenario: You are asked out on a date where you will be attending an outdoor baseball game, followed by drinks/dinner (if he’s worth it).  During the game, no one will notice how drenched you are because everyone is in the same boat. But if you leave that place limping from the swass-induced inner-thigh chafe, rockin pit stains down to your waist, mascara tears on your chin, and a greasy hairline, there will be no second date. With creative styling and some preemptive oil absorption, we can end the night looking like jlo instead of the crack whore. Which girl do you want to be?